The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
The first thing I want to say about The Mortal Instruments: the city of bones is that the city of bones is irrelevant to the plot. They go to the city of bones for one scene and it could have taken place literally anywhere else. Also the scene wasn’t really important to the story and […]
The first thing I want to say about The Mortal Instruments: the city of bones is that the city of bones is irrelevant to the plot. They go to the city of bones for one scene and it could have taken place literally anywhere else. Also the scene wasn’t really important to the story and could have been written out easily. So I don’t really get why the movie is called The Mortal instruments: the city of bones. If the location mattered then it should have been called The Mortal Instruments: The institute. Anyway we’re going to talk about The Mortal Instruments: the city of bones. Well I’m going to talk about it, and read the comments later.
I think the best way to explain this movie to you is to explain the characters, but first I should explain the back story for this tale. There are demons, angels, and hugh-mans. An angel came down and gave the hugh-mans a cup filled with it’s blood. Drinking from it turned the hugh-mans into demon hunters, which basically means that they can see demons. (But there’s a point in the movie where a hugh-man sees two cops who turn out to be demons so I guess hugh-mans can see demons.) They called themselves shadow hunters. Not for any particular reason it just felt right. There are also down worlders, like vampires, werewolves, wizards and more oh my. Those are actually the only three that are mentioned and shown. I presume there’s more, but looking at how poorly thought out this movie was, there might not be. The hugh-mans are called Mundanes, which made me cringe when I heard it, but I’m going to stick with hugh-mans. The shadow hunters can slap runes on there body which will give them powers because magic. They use a special wand pen light thing. They never tell you what that thing is called, but I called it the Dues Ex Machina because when there was something that needed to be done the pen took care of it. And they can hide whole buildings from the hugh-mans. Unless the hugh-mans go inside then they can see it just fine. Also the shadow hunters are invisible to hugh-mans unless they choose not to be. And as mentioned before the demons are supposed to be invisible but aren’t. Essentially the only reason supernatural things in this movie are invisible is because the writer was too lazy to think of a new world for this to take place in. Alright characters.
The story follows Clary Fray. Clary is a girl next door that doesn’t really think ahead. Clary starts seeing some weird symbol everywhere and she also starts drawing it in her sleep. The symbol is clearly important in some way but it’s never really explained why. The most that’s said about it is that it’s called the angelic mark or something. She ends up being saved by a shadow hunter leading her into the world of shadow hunters. She gets her friend turned into a vampire and gets one of the shadow hunters almost killed. Actually none of the main characters die in this movie . . . not even the bad guy. Only side characters and flunkies die. But basically it’s made very clear that Clary knows where the mortal cup is. (The mortal cup is one of three mortal instruments scared to shadow hunters. It’s the cup the angel gave the hugh-mans. I’d tell you about the other mortal instruments but they were never mentioned. But since we need three movies to tell a story nowadays I’m sure each other movie will mention them.) Except that Clary doesn’t know where the cup is. Even with her memories back she still has no idea. She basically just figures out where it is using very basic deductive reasoning. You see for no reason Clary and her mother can put real objects into pictures and pull them out again. No one else can do it, and no one else seems to have any kind of super power, so this power seems to exist strictly for the sake of the cup hiding. And earlier it was said that Clary’s mom made some tarot cards for her neighbor. One of those card happens to be a picture of a cup. Which is not a tarot card, so I’m not sure why the psychic neighbor would use it or even want to use it. And since two and two often make four it becomes very obvious that the tarot cup is the mortal cup. So Clary didn’t really know where the cup was until she was given this information. Meaning that ultimately anyone could have found the cup and devalue the need for Clary in this story. I mean she would still be necessary because of the power but the entire beginning of the movie, wherein the characters try and get her to find the cup, is rendered meaningless. One guy says she has a map in her head, which I assume is symbolic because they didn’t go to various locations. It wasn’t very well thought out.
Jocelyn is the mom who obviously knew something about what’s coming next. Two guys break into Jocelyn’s house and tried to kidnap her but she took some weird drug and ended up comatose. I’m assuming she did this to stop the bad guy (a man who is obviously her former lover and Clary’s father, I called it from the minute they mentioned him) from forcing her to use her power (which only she and her daughter have for some reason) to get the cup. She ends up being kidnapped anyway.
From the very first second you meet Simon it becomes obvious that he is deep deep in the friend zone. (Can I just throw out there that considering his character in the first season of Misfits the actor that plays Simon, Robert Sheehan, has pretty good range.) Simon is like Clark Kent, or Cyclops. He is the good boy. I kept expecting him to say “Gee willekers” at some point, or maybe “Oh Lordie” while adjusting his glasses. Simon the hugh-man keeps up just fine with everything going on because all the shadow hunters seem to have no problem telling him everything. Despite the fact that the shadow hunters go to great lengths to hide themselves from society. A few off hand mentions that the rule about telling hugh-mans has been broken don’t make up for the fact that a lot of exposition involves explaining things to Simon the one character who is not supposed to be told anything. But he gets forced into this world when he gets turned into a vampire. Now he wasn’t turned yet. It was never said out loud and he doesn’t show any signs of being a vampire but it is painfully obvious that he is now a vampire. Unless it’s a mislead, but gee willekers I don’t think this story is that smart.
Jace is the shadow hunter who saved Clary in her apartment and brings her into the shadow hunter world. I don’t think it would be a surprise to any of you if I say that Jace and Clary end up falling in love. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Since it’s so painfully obvious from the outset it just becomes annoying to watch the two awkwardly fumble around each other. Jace reveals a ring with a W on it to show that his last name is Wayland to Clary. He also talks about his father some. All of this happens to reveal the one genuine surprise in this movie. The bad guy reveals that he is not only Clary’s father but Jace’s as well. The way he convinces Jace is especially amusing. You see the bad guy’s name is Valentine Morgenstern. So to show Jace Wayland that he is in fact Jace Morgenstern he dramatically takes the ring and flips it. Because W upside down it’s . . . it’s an M! It was an M all along! Jace Morgenstern! And what’s most surprising about this movie is not the brother sister reveal, it’s that after the brother sister reveal Jace tells Clary that he still loves her and doesn’t believe Valentine. Now I don’t know about you but if I found out the woman I love may be my sister. The relationship is officially on hold until that shit is verified. It won’t take that long. We would just get a quick DNA test, but not too quick got to make sure it’s accurate. This is important. But somehow the two end the movie without looking into that. It’s insane.
There are lot more characters but this is running long and they’re pretty unimportant, so much of this movie was unimportant. It didn’t really need to exist. It wasn’t trying to say anything and it spend so much time setting itself up for a sequel that I just didn’t see a point watching this one. Obviously the next or the last one is when everything goes down. So why did this movie exist? Why do these books exist? Why? Wh-this was so- gah!!!!!!!
I am not the target audience for this movie. The Mortal Instruments: The City of Bones is based off a series of books. The book readers are the target audience. Unless this book was the worst book ever this movie must have let them down. Now every time they make a movie based off a book everyone complains that the book was better. And I’m sure it was, but the job of a movie based on a book is too adapt the material in a way that makes me the viewer desire to read the book. Book readers will never be happy, but they can be appeased knowing that us movie viewers are now into their thing. Before I let you go back to your porn or whatever I’d like to do a little thing I do. I’m going to reduce this movie to it’s baser elements to get a better grasp on the story it told.
(This movie was about three people. A young main character who is thrust into a battle. A young love interest who is at the fore front of this battle. And a young outsider who becomes involved in the battle because of the main character. At it’s core the movie is a love story where the main character learns that they are related to their love interest via the main antagonist. This movie is a lot like Star Wars. Obviously once you start adding details it’s nothing like star wars but you can see where I’m coming from. The difference being that Star Wars knew how to keep things simple and pace themselves.)
So let’s end this thing. Did I like this movie? No, it was bad. It was poorly written, it wasn’t well thought out, and its characters were stupid. Would I recommend this movie, if you like bad movies sure I guess. And what would I compare this movie too? I don’t know really, I was so distraught by it. No no here it is, this movie is a fruit cake. It can look nice, and it can even seem like a good idea if you’re into that kind of thing; but once you eat it, it’s bad. It’s just bad. And despite how awful it is there’s always at least on person who likes it. Thanks for reading.